Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize