I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
