we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its not stalking. its research.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
