someone threw a dead crab at me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
