Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My bed smells like the plague
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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