Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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