Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
