I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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