he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
