the condom got lost in my hair
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
