Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
