HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
