if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
