I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize