I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
