I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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