brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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