Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
