If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
