Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
