I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
