is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i now understand why vodka
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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