I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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