what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
