you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
how drunk are you?
Several
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
