Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
