I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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