Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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