It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
