so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize