There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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