This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize