I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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