So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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