Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
