There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
