Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
