i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
