if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
