so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I supernannyed him into submission
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
