I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
