I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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