fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize