I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
