I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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