Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
