You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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