if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
