My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
