And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
