Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
this hospital has no fireball
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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