When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
