I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
