Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
