i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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