I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
