You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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