I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
