So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
