i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize