OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
