There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
