my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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