God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize