If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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