You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
