If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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