okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize