as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
