Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
