My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize