I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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