My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
