The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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