Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
