Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
