Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
