shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All I want is dick and wine.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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