I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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