On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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