Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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