Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
