Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
