I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
