So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
