i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
