look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
