Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
