i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
