I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
