i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
