so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
