Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
