I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
