I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
