i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize