Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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