be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
