I got chris browned last night
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
God, I missed his penis.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize