i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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