Small penises have feelings too.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize