I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize