I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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