never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
