honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize